Sunday night I dreamed of my little boy. I held him....I saw him....it was so real.
In my dream we are in limbo - just like we are now - and the agency calls to tell me that they have our son and they're bringing him right over. I panicked....I told them I don't have a car seat or formula or clothes or anything. I told them I was expecting to get 4 month's notice at LEAST. They simply said, "Well, he's here and we're bringing him over." I just keep thinking over and over, 'I don't have a car seat! I don't have a car seat!' I am so scared and can't believe they would just hand him over to me....I'm so unprepared!
Then in an instant, as can happen in a dream, an abstract face is handing me my son. He is beautiful. He is perfect. He is wearing a red snowsuit!! His hair is straight, black and plentiful. (C and I have a running joke about my wanting a baby with "big" hair.) His eyes are almond and dark. His mouth is a perfect little pucker. And the nose....holy moley what a cute nose he has!
As I take him in my arms, the world is finally right. My heart finally feels correct, it feels as if a chasm has been filled and the void is no longer. It feels amazing.
The last two nights I have prayed as I lie down to sleep......"Please, God, let me dream of him again."
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Dream a Little Dream
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3 comments:
I have tears.
Maybe this is a warning to get prepared! Go buy a car seat and some formula!!
You made me cry, too. I had a really special dream about our baby after my miscarriage. It is amazing how real it can feel and how comforting it can be.
hey there! its your cousin, Liz! i found your blog through Camille's. i just wanted to say hello. there is a link to my blog on Camille and Brooke's page. feel free to read and laugh at my dorkiness :)
also-my heart aches for you and your wait to adopt. i will keep you in my happy thoughts and prayers!!!!
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